Self-esteem and friends
You know,When i see a bunch of friends hanging out together, i always wonder...how come i do not have such a life? a life of hanging out with friends...its funny, but i really do realize i am such a loner. i asked anson why. He said its because i always fang fei ji ( fly aeroplane ) .Maybe it is true, but, everytime i want to go out or hang out,i have this great big fear. Fear of what you might wonder, and sumtimes i wonder too. i dunno, its a fear that i wont be able to fit into the group. Its just that, i always feel..i am just this really really small , small, small person, a person so insignificant in this world, i dun deserve to have friends treating me nice, or friends to hang out with me. I am afraid that if i go out with them, i would trouble them somehow, like if i want to buy something and they don't, but still they have to accompany me out of obligation. I just think that i am too small a person to deserve people to go out of their way to meet my needs. People are selfish i know, and people wouldnt like to trouble themselves. It is really lonely when u r alone. Truly depressing, but i guess, in loneliness, u learn independece. and being independent is seriously not easy. its painful when all alone u walk, then u see ur friends all walking together, u see them smiling and laughing together, and u wonder why are u so alone?wat have u done to have no friends that walk along with u? friends really are important arent they? I think to find a friend who truly cares for u and who accpets u no matter what or who u r is really hard.
Ya, its true, i have many friends, but, most of them are just hi bye friends. maybe i really do have a problem. maybe, i really am not worth having a real true friend. then again, true friends, one or two is enough is it?yes, i think it is. so, i shall try to physic myself alwasy and tell myself, its ok to be alone, its ok to have 1,2 true friend and 10000 hi bye friends. If any of you think i really do have a problem or if i am really not a good friend and need to change , please do tell me, i really want to be a better person. if i can. thanks.
Ya, its true, i have many friends, but, most of them are just hi bye friends. maybe i really do have a problem. maybe, i really am not worth having a real true friend. then again, true friends, one or two is enough is it?yes, i think it is. so, i shall try to physic myself alwasy and tell myself, its ok to be alone, its ok to have 1,2 true friend and 10000 hi bye friends. If any of you think i really do have a problem or if i am really not a good friend and need to change , please do tell me, i really want to be a better person. if i can. thanks.
posted by junie at 4:12 PM
4 Comments:
Actually I dun think there is anything wrong with you, maybe just a bit 'weird' at times. I think you're a very nice friend. A very kind soul. About the "fong fei kei' part... maybe you should start to hang out with people more, instead of saying No when they ask you to join. Of course if you dun want to, you can still refuse. :) I honestly take you as a friend!
Everyone is the same 'small small small small person'.. there isn't any difference between u n me, its juz that how u think bout it.. u can always come hang out with us anytime, anywhere..
huh? i really weird ar?..like how weird?..what did i do that u say me weird leh?
"People are selfish i know, and people wouldnt like to trouble themselves."
- sometimes u gotta believe that alota ppl out there are intrinsically good.-which is true. Then u wuldnt hafta be so afraid of them. Perhaps ur not letting ppl in altho' they are willing? Loneliness...u can be in a crowd & still feel lonely. I have some sermon audio tapes on this. Feel free to borrow.
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